Saturday, January 2, 2010

Out With the Old, In With the New

At the start of each new year, many people, just like myself, make resolutions. Some start the new year off with a goal to lose weight, others vow to quit smoking, spend less money or eliminate debt, while a few promise never to drink again (at least not until the following weekend).

As for my own resolutions for 2010, I have many. But I thought I’d share one in particular with you, as it is one that I feel many women can relate to. It is actually more of a quest, a search for something new, in hopes to have it replace something I loved so very much but recently had to bid farewell to.

What is it, you ask? Well, it would be best if I start from the beginning.

About a week ago, last Sunday to be exact, I had piles of laundry to put away, and all my own clothes. Now, when I say piles, imagine the entire ladies clothing department in a JC Penney store. I never realized I had so many clothes! It took me so long to put the piles of clothes away, I could actually feel myself aging during the process.

Now, although it sucked to have to put away all those clothes, the benefit was that I now had clean clothes to wear again. What was even better was I once again had clothes that I “love” to wear (you know…the ones that hide the little bulge here and the little bulge there). It was a wonderful feeling!

Well, the next day, after my morning routine of working, yelling at the dog to get back downstairs, and talking to myself (yes, I answer myself too), I took my usual break and jumped in the shower to get cleaned up. After I got out of the shower, I dried off and headed over to my dresser.

Like always, I slid open the drawer that I keep my panties in and selected a nice comfy pair and put them on. I then opened the drawer above my panty drawer and pulled out my most treasured piece of clothing—my favorite bra.

As I started to do the magical bra maneuver that most of us do (where we put the cups on our back and the straps under our boobs, fasten the hooks and clasps together, spin the cups around to the front, then slide our arms into the straps and neatly tuck our boobs into the cups), something went wrong—very wrong!

As I had the straps in the front and was trying to fasten the hooks into the clasps, the hooks would not fasten. I tried several times over, tilting and twisting, shoving and pulling, but my favorite bra would not fasten.

It was then that I held the bra out in front of me at arms length (because that’s the only way I can see anything smaller than my thumb these days) and discovered that the two hooks were no longer bent, but instead had been pulled back to the point where they were both completely straight.

Now, I am always very careful about my laundry. I separate the whites from the colors, make sure not to wash sweaters with jeans, or towels with clothes, and ALWAYS wash my bras and delicate undies by themselves. I even go as far as to fasten my bras together before throwing them in the wash, as I have found that this lessens the likelihood of the hooks catching onto something.

But it was obvious by the looks of things, that my most favorite bra had somehow gotten thrown into a load of wash where it did not belong. How, I do not know, but I assure you it was a tragic accident. I assumed it must have collided with a load of jeans, as it had to be something sturdy that got hooked onto my bra and pulled and tugged at it until the hooks were mangled and rearranged into two flattened prongs.

Of course, I was in denial. This was my most favorite bra in the whole wide world. It had been there for me for years, providing me with comfort and support right where I needed it, hugging and lifting my breasts into perfect form each and every time. I had to save it! So I wrapped myself in my white robe, threw on my ugly blue slippers, and headed to the garage, wet hair and all.

While in the garage, I placed my bra onto the workbench and perused the nearby tools. After selecting the ones I felt were just right for the repair—a hammer, pliers and a flathead screwdriver—I went straight to work.

As I gently hammered, twisted and bent at the wire prongs, trying to recreate two perfectly formed bra hooks, I noticed another problem. There was a rip in the bra strap about an inch or two below the hooks. I told myself I could sew it, but I admit, I began to feel worried and nervous about my bra's chances of survival.

After performing the delicate surgery, I eyed my newly deformed bra hooks that I managed to create. I then tested them out by hooking them onto their clasps. When they hooked together, I said, “That’ll do it,” and off I went back to my bedroom.

Although I knew I still had a rip to repair, I had no idea where the sewing kit was and I had no time to go looking for it. So instead, I pinned the defect together with a safety pin to hold me over in the meantime.

The moment finally arrived. I disrobed, did the magical bra maneuver, fastened the crippled hooks into the clasps, spun the bra around, slid my arms through the straps, and neatly tucked my boobs into the cups. I then stood there for a moment. I shrugged my shoulders up and down, twirled my arms around in circles a few times, and waved my hands in the air. I then walked over to the bathroom to see how the girls felt about the repair. After walking back to where I first stood, I slid my arms out of the bra, spun it around, wrestled to get the deformed hooks out of the clasps, and made the dreaded call--time of death, 12:32 p.m.

Yes, my most favorite bra was destroyed in a tragic laundry accident. So I did what any woman would do. I let out a huge sigh and threw it in the trash.

So, my quest for the new year is to find a new bra to replace the most favorite bra I ever had. One that will not only provide comfort and support, but one that will also hold me in all the right places, just like my most favorite bra used to do. Needless to say, it will certainly have some big cups to fill.



Hissyfits & Halos said...

Oh, gosh! This sounded exactly like me during the death of my favorite bra. Almost exact, aside from the ugly blue slippers. Mine are brown. I think you have just put into words what every woman goes through at some point in their lives.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your displaced girls will be in my prayers. :) hehe

Aunt Juicebox said...

OMG You could have fixed that! It would have taken some work but I have replaced those hooks myself. You just need a seam ripper and replacement hooks that you can buy in the fabric dept. of Walmart or where ever. Oh the tragedy!

Daffy said...

I can totally picture you bent over the workbench in the garage hammering away on your bra! I completely understand! I too have a favorite...cost me a fortune but worth every dime! I've been thinking about ordering a couple more for that dreaded day when I too have to call time of death...

qandlequeen said...

I've repaired a bra where the hooks got clamped shut in the wash (discovered after multiple attempts of trying to latch). It included a screwdriver and pliers.

Maybe someone should produce a more effective bra repair kit. You know, like those tiny eyeglass repair kits? It's a million dollar idea I tell ya.

qandlequeen said...

I've repaired a bra where the hooks got clamped shut in the wash (discovered after multiple attempts of trying to latch). It included a screwdriver and pliers.

Maybe someone should produce a more effective bra repair kit. You know, like those tiny eyeglass repair kits? It's a million dollar idea I tell ya.

adrienzgirl said...

I have performed that surgery before. My results weren't any better than yours unfortunately.

It's tragic.

ethelmaepotter! said...

Oh girl, been there, done that!
Now here's whatcha do: When you go shopping for that new bra, get one of those heavy duty industrial jobs. Get Playtex 18 hour. Yeah, some of them are actually pretty. Mine is beige and lacy and has a nice cut, but twirl that thing around and you'll see that it has a super-wide back strap and FOUR, count them, FOUR hooks. What are the chances that all FOUR hooks are gonna go at the same time? I currently have ONE hook that has successfully undergone surgery, but even if the surgery had failed, there were still THREE others to handle the job.
Trust me. Playtex four hooks is the way to go.

Mrsblogalot said...

Best of luck in your new breast...I mean quest (-:

Newest follower here you didn't have me at tampons and chocolate...

Happy New Year girl!

Working Mommy said...

Just wanted to let you know that I have an award waiting for you over at my blog-diggity today!! Hope you are doing well!!


Red Writer said...

If I could type the beat of the death march, I would. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Just know that there are other bras out there, maybe not like your favorite, but maybe better in some way. Maybe the cups will hide the nips a little better, or the damn thing will be easier to get on. I know it's not what you want to hear, but the pain will lesson with time.

Just know I'm thinking of you in these hard days to come and I hope my words will give you comfort and a little 'lift'.

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

A bra on the workbench??!! I think the god of power tools probably had a coronary. With fuzzy blue slippers on to boot. I totally do that bra maneuver. I have never been able to do the reaching behind my back trick to hook a bra.

The price of bras is always amazing...Victoria Secret has great bras but they cost a boob and a leg. And then what is the point?

Have fun on your quest~!

Meredith said...

Hahahhaa, poor you!! Way to start off the new year! All I can do it provide advice..

I have fallen in love with Bali bras. The ones with the concealing petals inside to hide those headlight moments! :)

Janiece said...

Oh my goodness, I do not know what to tell you...about a year ago my sweet little "woobies" FLAT disapeared...gone
my favorite bra was even floppy!
I went to that really FANCY pink and white bra store and had them help me find a new bra...that I could wear for looks.
It was so sad...they came with in with a padded bra and a pair of plastic woobies to see if that would help...the poor lady that helped...she had tears running down her face as she handed them to me...
I ended up with a trainer...and we wear it to death...or until it has a bad laundry experience.

Melissa said...

Oh my. What a tragic event. I hit the sales on Boxing Day to replace the final bra's left in my collection who were 130 in human years and really showing their age.

To your dearly departed; God speed.

Alex said...

Ha ha ha, my favourite bra is only hanging on by one hook...the others are totally deformed. It's still doing the job (what would Oprah say?) but not for long!

RobinsgotHealth said...

Yep, you have just lost your first favorite bra...a sad milestone that us woman all have to face, but look on the bright side when you do find your next favorite bra, you will be prepared to buy an extra...the lesson's of life, you are a wiser woman for!

Frugal Vicki said...

I smiled the whole time while reading this post! What an awesome story description. I am still searching for that bra. Why are they so elusive?

Sabreena said...

Something similar to this happened to me and when I went back to the store to replace the bra it was discontinued. I have yet to find bras that live up to that first one. RIP broken bras everywhere.

Katherine (a.k.a. Katie) Corrigan said...

My boobs ache for your bra dilemma...I too had a similar issue. Two years ago I went to purchase my fav bra, my supporter of sag, and found out they no longer make the style I had been wearing comfortably for years. After the room stopped spinning and the words "no longer available" stopped repeating in my head I walked shoulders hunched out into the bra filled world in search of new pretty and comfortable support for "my girls". I am happy to say after numerous trials I have finally found the one. Taa Daa!!!! Now I wonder if I can buy in bulk? Keep us posted on your hunt.

Jen said...

I actually found myself getting sad at the end of this hilarious post. What if that happened to me? What if I had to throw away my favorite bra? And it's coming, I have already repaired the clasps once and the straps never stay up anymore and I the elastic is getting bent out of shape. This is a horrible thing because I know I will not be able to find another bra like this. They only make the model for a month or so before they retire them and make others. It's just like Clinique lipstick and eyeshadow colors.

CRAZYMOM said...

I am cracking up at your surgical maneuvers! Let us know how the shopping goes. I hate bra shopping, but I, too need to make this a goal for 2010! Cheers!

MaryRC said...

RIP... a good bra is hard to come by. heres wishing you luck on your quest for a replacement.

Lisa Marie said...

I hate it when a favorite bra or jeans or whatever dies. I hope you can find a speedy replacement:)