Friday, November 13, 2009

Things To Remember While PMSing

I’m PMSing again, but I've been doing a pretty good job so far keeping myself in check. Although the crazy thoughts are there, reading over my list of things to remember when I’m PMSing is helping me keep my sanity.

I thought I’d share a few of my reminders in case some of you are also experiencing a little hormonal discord today.

Things To Remember While PMSing

1. Yes, they are “your” children. There was not a mixup at the hospital.

2. You wanted to marry him. You were not drunk, drugged, brainwashed or desperate at the time.

3. Duct tape is to be used on household items only, not on your kids, husband, cats, dogs, or the religious people that knock at your door.

4. It is illegal to sell children (yes, even on Ebay).

5. The dirty dishes go in the dishwasher, not in the trash. The trash goes in the trash bin outside, not in your neighbor's yard.

6. Your husband is not purposely trying to annoy you. Talking, eating, smiling and breathing is his normal everyday behavior.

7. You are not on a TV show that plays practical jokes on people. This really is your family and there is no hidden camera.

8. If your pants are tight, it is just normal premenstrual bloating. You are not the size of a pregnant elephant.

9. If your breasts are hurting, take some Tylenol or Motrin. This will work better than duct taping the sofa pillows over them.

10. You are not crazy, demented or possessed. You just have PMS.

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15 comments:

A Real Housewife said...

i'll be using the duct tape to tape this for my fridge for my husband's future reference. love it!!

prec said...

stumbled across your blog today somehow... LOVE it! great writing skills... I've added it to my daily reads :)
can't wait to stop by every day!

sandandstarfish.com

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

hilarious. and well-written.

ModernMom said...

Found you through Frugal Mom and had to comment.
May I just add...yes Husbands must chew and swallow their food. He is not chewing extra loud today..it must be the PMS!

You are hilarious!

Dual Mom said...

I don't think it's too much to ask of a loving husband that he take nutrients through an IV when you're PMS'ing....he'd do it if he loved you.

As for kids, my mother used to say to us: I should have eaten you while your bones were soft. I shit you not, I recall those words coming out of her mouth each month for about 4 days. Better or worse than duct tape...you be the judge.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! You are a hoot.

Lene said...

I not so sure he isn't actually trying to annoy me. I know I sure am trying to annoy him!

adrienzgirl said...

I'm pretty sure that duct tape was invented for the sole purpose of taping up children when they have reached the last nerve of their parents. Yeah, I'm SURE I read that somewhere before.

:)

MaryRC said...

gurl you so crazeee.. you crack me up all the time. please dont duct tape me..

ethelmaepotter! said...

#2 - Yes, I have to remind myself all the time that I WANTED to marry him. And as for #6, he's not TRYING to annoy me? - it's the WAY he talks, the WAY he breathes...AARRGGHH!!
Ricky Ricardo to Lucy: "Well, are you gonna fix me some breakfast?"
Lucy fixes him with an icy stare.
Ricky: "Whaddya want me to do? Starve to death?"
Lucy: "Would you? Please?"
So PMS was around even in the 1950's!

TONI B. said...

Hahaha... you're blog is awesome! One of my favorite bloggers :)

Cara Smith said...

Do you have an at the office version of this list. I could really use something to remind me not to run over co-workers with heavy machinery on certian days!

Pheromonally Gifted said...

Just discovered your blog...love it, very entertaining! Am now a happy follower! :)

Two Normal Moms said...

So well said!
***Ally

Frugal Vicki said...

uh, I STRONGLY disagree with number six. I think it is my husbands sole purpose in life to notice the tampon wrapper in the trash and start picking on me. Seriously.