Friday, November 13, 2009

Things To Remember While PMSing

I’m PMSing again, but I've been doing a pretty good job so far keeping myself in check. Although the crazy thoughts are there, reading over my list of things to remember when I’m PMSing is helping me keep my sanity.

I thought I’d share a few of my reminders in case some of you are also experiencing a little hormonal discord today.

Things To Remember While PMSing

1. Yes, they are “your” children. There was not a mixup at the hospital.

2. You wanted to marry him. You were not drunk, drugged, brainwashed or desperate at the time.

3. Duct tape is to be used on household items only, not on your kids, husband, cats, dogs, or the religious people that knock at your door.

4. It is illegal to sell children (yes, even on Ebay).

5. The dirty dishes go in the dishwasher, not in the trash. The trash goes in the trash bin outside, not in your neighbor's yard.

6. Your husband is not purposely trying to annoy you. Talking, eating, smiling and breathing is his normal everyday behavior.

7. You are not on a TV show that plays practical jokes on people. This really is your family and there is no hidden camera.

8. If your pants are tight, it is just normal premenstrual bloating. You are not the size of a pregnant elephant.

9. If your breasts are hurting, take some Tylenol or Motrin. This will work better than duct taping the sofa pillows over them.

10. You are not crazy, demented or possessed. You just have PMS.


Monday, November 2, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 29 again...can you believe it? (Okay, don't answer that question.)

It is because of my birthday that I am forced to sit in my chair today and hammer out lots of work. I would blame my hubby and Happy Hour Somewhere (Kat) for taking me out Friday night to get an early start on my birthday celebration, but we all know it was because I drank like a sailor. (Hey, the kids were at their other parent's house for the weekend and a woman needs to take her mommy hat off every now and then.)

My mom reads my blog, so I can't tell you that I woke up sometime in the early morning hours on the bathroom floor. She would probably think I need to go to AA, but in reality, it's just proof that I don't get out much and I was in need of a good time. So, I'll keep that tidbit of information to myself.

My husband also reads my blog, so I can't tell you what I did to him while parked in the driveway after we got home that night. He thinks certain things need to be kept private, so I won't mention a word about that either.

It was because of all the fun I had Friday night that my well-thought-out plans to get a lot of work done over the weekend never made it off the drawing board. So here I will sit for the rest of the day banging away at my keyboard, probably until the sun goes down. But I am prepared, as I have stocked my desk full of food and water. The only time I will have to get up is when I need to use the toilet (we are actually best buds now after Friday night).

Birthdays can be fun, but believe me when I say, I ain't 29 anymore.