Saturday, October 3, 2009

Kitty Style

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Have you ever shaved the kitty? Now, I’m not talking about the one that meows and scratches up the furniture (if it does, then you need to see your doctor...soon!). No, I'm talking about the other “kitty.” Yes, that one!

Okay, now that we are on the same page.

Over the years, hairstyles have managed to work their way “south” and shaving or waxing the kitty completely bald became one of them. Well, let’s just say that somewhere in my distant past, curiosity got the best of my kitty, and I thought I’d give the bald look a try. So I took out my razor, assumed the position, and shaved away. When I was done, I walked over to the mirror and took a look. Staring back at me in the mirror was pretty much the same thing you see in that picture up there. Wrinkles and all! IT WAS HORRIFYING!

Okay, so the bald look is not for me. But like a lot of you women out there, I do have a certain style that I like to maintain. But before I reveal mine, let's take a look at some common styles, shall we?


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WILD AND FREE – This style is all about being carefree and letting things grow as nature intended. It is surely a look that requires a bathing suit bottom with a skirt. If you go without one and you are a backyard sunbather, this could explain why your doorstep is littered with business cards from the neighborhood gardeners. For some of you the look works. It requires no maintenance, just wash, rinse and dry and you’re done. However, I would not recommend this look for any of you single gals who are looking for love, as most men nowadays would respond with the same look as the one on that monkey’s face the first time he sees you naked.


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NEAT AND TIDY - Here, we have an example of those ladies who like to keep things nice and neat. There’s nothing fancy about it, just a simple trim here and there that shows you have an interest in your appearance. But unlike our gal in this picture, if you are going to do a dye job, I would recommend making sure the carpet matches the drapes.


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SALT AND PEPPER - For those of you who are older, you may have more of a salt and pepper look going on. Some of you keep it neat and tidy, while others let things go wild and free. Either way, it’s a low maintenance style and saves the cost of expensive dyes. This is very important, because it’s usually around this time of our life when our aging kitty has to pay a visit to the doctor more often, so that extra money comes in handy.


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THE HYBRID - Now, this is more like my look nowadays. Shaved in certain areas and neatly trimmed in others. It does take a little skill to get things just right, but definitely worth the effort, as this style is very bathing suit friendly and it does a great job at keeping the gardeners away.


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BAD TO THE BONE - For some of you, your kitty looks a bit like this. Now, maybe the hair is not quite as long and spiky, but it's got a bit of an edge to it in more ways than one. Not everyone can pull off a look like this one, but then again, not everyone wants to. It is certainly best left for our female rebels of the world.


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POTPOURRI - Last but not least, there are those who have it all going on down there. Trim, buzz, and dye, with a touch of personal flair mixed in. Sometimes I wonder if this might be how a clown looks naked. For some of you, this look is on purpose, for others it’s the result of an experiment gone wrong. Regardless, you can be rest assured that this look is no stranger than me wondering what naked clowns look like.

So there you have it. All of the various kitty styles walking around out there. Of course, if I missed something, I would love to hear about it. But no pictures, please. I was frightened enough by the sight of my own kitty when I decided to go bald. I don’t need to fry anymore scary images into my already warped brain.

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13 comments:

xfatedl0vex said...

hilarious! personally i prefer the bald look because it requires zero thinking. just get it all! not that i can see it anyway under my apron....

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Dude...and I thought I liked kitty cats. I had no idea they could be such a pain in the puss. Just kidding. I'm into neat and tidy. The problem is seeing what you've done. Not being a practicing yogi, this can be difficult. I've only had 2 gray hairs--one on my head and the other one not. I cannot even imagine it now. Although I think it would be fun to color it some fun color. Hey, wait a minute, have you ever had a brazilian? Now, that's bravery.

Daffy said...

This is by far one of my most favorite posts EVER! As for scratching.... if you went for bald and you've never been bald before...well...let's just say I'd like to see a post or two as things start to grow back. LOL

I'm all for neat and trim - the hybrid. My gawd...this is hilarious!

L said...

Ooohhhh, don't get me started on the growing back part. Felt like I had a porcupine in my pants!

Frugal Vicki said...

OMG!!!! I think I have been 90% at least one point in my life. Unfortunately, the time that the most people were glancing at once, I was more like that huge crazy fat cat in the corner that you swear has to be fake. and NO! you sick girl, I meant labor, not a kitty party sheesh.

anyway, I left you an award on my site!

Frugal Vicki said...

Okay, I lied, I ended up getting another reward that fits you . so you have two!

Hillbilly Duhn said...

Holy crap! THAT was hilarious! I went for the bald kitty for awhile, but I have to admit, I didn't care to look at it once it looked that way, I just can't seem to find that area attractive.

I am the neat and tidy type now. Or beings that winters coming forth, will be sporting the Wild and Free look. What? It gets cold too!

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

well i never - what is ON that poodle's back? for the love of God, it looks like a sacrificed rooster.

L said...

I have to admit, I went wild and free when my hubbie was in Iraq both times. As frightening as that might be for my hubbie to picture, he should feel honored!

Theta Mom said...

You are HILARIOUS! Can I just tell you that you had me at the whole tampons and chocolate thing? Too funny! Just found your from Vicki's blog and I just had to check it out and glad I did! Would love to be another follower if you follow as well! :)

ethelmaepotter! said...

I wondered about that...OBJECT...on the poodle's back, too. Speaking from the Crib is right...I think it IS a dead rooster.
I do hope you look happier about your hybrid look than that poor kitty does!

Lora said...

oh...wow.

I'm too afraid to let someone else trim the kitty, although I think I would prefer to not deal with it myself...perhaps a waxing is in order!

A Real Housewife said...

stumbled upon your blog today and instantly fell in love! i am cracking up from head to toe now...thank you!!! so, i'm honoring you with an award. to check out your blog award go to http://arealhousewifeofburleson.blogspot.com/2009/10/my-first-ever-blog-award.html