Monday, July 20, 2009

Ten Signs That You Are Suffering From PMS

1. You throw the dirty dishes in the trash and replace them with new ones.
2. Your husband asks you, “Is it that time of the month again?” and you staple a sign to his forehead that says, “Idiot of the month!”
3. You get pulled over and the cop asks, “Do you know why I pulled you over, ma’am?” and you take a sip of your glass of wine and answer, “Because you’re lost and you need directions to the nearest donut shop?”
4. Your kids say they are hungry and you say, “So am I,” and take out a bar of chocolate for yourself from the fridge and walk away.
5. You find it more pleasant to have the dog and cat undergo a waxing then to continue vacuuming up all the hair they shed in the house.
6. Your husband says, “Excuse me,” to a woman in the grocery store and you scream out, “Why don’t you just have sex with her already?!”
7. You tell your kids they were all adopted and that you received a letter from the court saying you have to give them back to their real mom now.
8. You remove the shoelaces from your kids’ shoes and secure them on their feet with duct tape.
9. After drinking an entire bottle of wine all by yourself, you still find your family annoying.
10. You start to think that the woman who ran her husband over twice with her car was really just trying to answer that burning question we all have—how many times does it take to kill him?

4 comments:

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Man, I loved number 3. I wish I could invent a sign to staple to a cop's head everytime they pull me over and ask that moronic question. I always want to answer, "Do I look like a mind reader?" But I guess you would have to visit me in jail then. Number 4 should be put on a plaque and number 9 means you need the port from Mount Palomar winery. Yummy.

L said...

Port definitely makes life happier!

bigtumtums said...

Hahaha.... aHahaha... Hahaha... I couldn't stop laughing... I like the reply to the cop and the grocery store scream... hahaha... that's really funny.

I'm really having fun reading your blog... thanks!

Thanks too for the comment you gave on mine. *wink*

Red Writer said...

Okay, number four is a regular occurance for me every month and I've really come close to doing number 6.

Too funny L! Love em!