Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Are We Done Yet?

For some of us, this video is way too close to our own sex life. He’s giving it his all and she’s just wanting him to be done already. And who can’t relate to all the grunting he’s doing? I’m sure there’s some woman out there who can close her eyes while listening to the video and say, “Yep…that’s Earl, alright.”

So why exactly is it that often times our men want it and we just want it over with?

I think one of the most obvious reasons is that by the end of the day, us women are just plain old tired. Between work, kids, housekeeping, and all the other things in our lives that want a piece of us, we often have nothing left in us by the time we climb into bed each night. For a lot of women, the idea of having sex at that point is a lot like the thought of undergoing an audit by the IRS.

Another reason we don’t feel up to stripping down to nothing and bumping uglies is because we’ve gotten into a rut and the act of sex with our man has just become plain boring. It’s a lot like watching your favorite movie over and over again. No matter how much you liked it in the beginning, it’s not as enjoyable now that you know what’s going to happen next. This is the same reason a lot of us rely on the fake orgasm. It’s like a fast forward button that helps get us to the end a lot quicker.

But I think the most common and overlooked reason for us women has to do with how we feel about our man emotionally. A lot of times it is just the simple fact that our man has not done much during the week or the day to help us feel connected to him. Instead of taking the time to pay us a few compliments, give us some undivided attention and affection with no sex strings attached, or putting in a little effort each and every day to let us know just how special we are, he gets lazy and just assumes we know. If our men were to put in even half the effort they put into the things that are a priority in their lives, whether it be their job, sports, or some hobby, I’m sure there would be a lot more “Who’s your momma?” going on.

A lot of experts would tell you to talk to your man about your feelings. But, I’m no expert. So my advice to you ladies out there is this: the next time you climb into bed and hear the words, “You wanna do it?” think of this video. It just might be the motivation you need to answer “yes” and may be the reason you actually enjoy yourself, simply because you can’t help but to think just how much your man resembles that grunting turtle.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Ten Signs That You Are Suffering From PMS

1. You throw the dirty dishes in the trash and replace them with new ones.
2. Your husband asks you, “Is it that time of the month again?” and you staple a sign to his forehead that says, “Idiot of the month!”
3. You get pulled over and the cop asks, “Do you know why I pulled you over, ma’am?” and you take a sip of your glass of wine and answer, “Because you’re lost and you need directions to the nearest donut shop?”
4. Your kids say they are hungry and you say, “So am I,” and take out a bar of chocolate for yourself from the fridge and walk away.
5. You find it more pleasant to have the dog and cat undergo a waxing then to continue vacuuming up all the hair they shed in the house.
6. Your husband says, “Excuse me,” to a woman in the grocery store and you scream out, “Why don’t you just have sex with her already?!”
7. You tell your kids they were all adopted and that you received a letter from the court saying you have to give them back to their real mom now.
8. You remove the shoelaces from your kids’ shoes and secure them on their feet with duct tape.
9. After drinking an entire bottle of wine all by yourself, you still find your family annoying.
10. You start to think that the woman who ran her husband over twice with her car was really just trying to answer that burning question we all have—how many times does it take to kill him?