Friday, June 19, 2009

Happy People

I’m sure you’ve seen them. Hell, you might even be one. Always friendly. Always smiling or laughing, with that peppy voice that always raises a couple octaves when asking, “How are you today?” Yep, they’re “happy” people!

I’m convinced that it’s these same “happy” people who get hired to name paint. Have you seen some of those names? Misty Moon, Dream Catcher, Soulful Music—what the hell color is that anyway? For once, I would love to come across a brand of paint that is named after real life. Something like Menstrual Period Red, Booger Green, and Scabby Brown. All you have to do is hear the name of it and you know exactly what color it is.

What exactly is it that “happy” people are so happy about anyway? Are they what happens when circus people breed, or did they just discover some secret that they aren’t telling the rest of us? Are they always happy or do they secretly go home and kick the dog?

With as much as “happy” people annoy me, there have been times when I have wished I could be more like them. They sure look like they are enjoying life, so positive and cheerful all the time, with just a hint of cluelessness when it comes to what is really going on in the world around them. But usually all it takes is for me to get waited on by some “happy” waitress at a restaurant, and soon I am liking myself again just fine.

Last week, after my daughter’s graduation from middle school, my husband and I took her out to breakfast at our favorite local diner. Of course, we had to get waited on by the one “happy” waitress in the place. By the time she got done taking our order, I wanted to stab my fork into my ear. It wasn’t so much the constant smile she had plastered across her face, but more the way she talked to us. She was like a kindergarten teacher on steroids. She made me realize why babies get that wide-eyed look on their face when we say stuff to them like, “Who's such a cutie petutie? You are, oogie boogie!” Now I understand why babies spit up so much. I wanted to vomit and I hadn’t even eaten yet.

Although most of the “happy” people I have come across are women, I have on occasion seen the male version. My husband would just say, “He’s totally gay!” But I know that gay men don’t act like that. No, gay men have more self respect. The “happy” man is a man who lives in a world all his own. I have found that there are two kinds of “happy” men—the “Mr. Rogers” version, which is the one you know is harmless but you still keep your children away from him, and the “Charles Manson” version, the full-blown psychopath that you can’t believe your friend hired as a clown for their kid’s birthday party.

Yes, “happy” people are indeed a unique breed—similar to what I think a person on both Prozac and speed would be like. Annoying as they may be, I guess they do serve their purpose in the world. I would like to say it’s because they make the world a better place, but I think it’s more because we sometimes need a reminder of why it’s important to make sure the doors are locked before we go to bed at night.


Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

I am singing "Happy Shiny People" by REM as I read this post. I think the person who makes up paint colors is stoned..or maybe it's a sharp marketing guy or gal saying, "We'll just call it a different name and they will never notice the difference."

Dennis Prager says that people that go around unhappy are like people with BO, so I guess we need to invent some Happy Deodorant. Hey, now I want to watch The Thrill of It All with Doris Day.

Can you tell I am soooooooooooo glad it is Friday~!

Anonymous said...

I totally looooove this posting. I feel the exact same way as yu do about these "happy people". I hate them and adore them at the same time.

I always wondered if when they go home and are alone are they still so happy and positive or just plain miserable and want to show the world a diffrent face.

There have been a couple of these people I have met that are truly miserable and do put on a show, but then there are the few that I wonder what they are taking or doing that make them that way... can I get some?

Yes, annoying as they may seem at times, they do perk me up and remind me life isn't so bad. And that if we just put on a happy face and try to be positive, perhaps it will suddenly feel as if "we" are happy people too.

But then... the frown lines reapear.

Thanks for such a great post!